Meghan Markle could be about to find out what it's like to be on end of someone's bile

Meghan's ex-friend Jessica Mulroney may be about to spill the beans on their friendship and her courtship with Harry in a multi-million-pound book deal. She's currently denying it, but let's hope Ms Mulroney sells every cough and spit of her relationship with the Duchess.

It's time Meghan knew what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone else's bile with no way of fighting back.

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OK so here's my version of the one-in, one-out scheme. Let's deport Starmer and bring in - a donkey! Good for the donkey. Even better for Britain!

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For reasons too complicated to explain, our astrological charts are 2,000 years out of date, which means most of us aren't the star sign, we think we are - we're the one before. So, my whole life I believed I'm a Libran - artistic, beautiful, generous, the queen of compromise.

But the new charts say I'm a Virgo - nit picking, stubborn, uptight, critical, easily frustrated. Sorry, I refuse to be a Virgo - even if some of these traits are too close for comfort!

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Rod Stewart's wife Penny Lancaster is giving Ultimo bra queen Michelle Mone a verbal slapping in her new book, railing that Mone dumped her as a lingerie model in 2004 and gave the job to Rachel Hunter: "It was cynical and ugly," says Penny. "She pitted Rod Stewart's ex-wife against his current girlfriend."

I'm sure that's exactly what Mone did, because she's a hard-nosed business woman who knew it would create headlines and help sell bras. And isn't the truth that no-one knew who either Penny or Rachel was before they got together with Rod, and it was only because of HIS name they both got work?

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Every week there's a story about migrants that makes my blood boil. This week's it's the one about migrants living in four-star hotels being sent hundreds of miles in taxis for medical appointments. One migrant made a 250-mile round trip costing £600 for a knee check-up.

He actually offered to go by train but was told he had to use transport paid for by the Home Office. Only it's not paid by the Home Office is it - it's paid by you and me.

And as I can't afford to take £600 cab rides, and I'm betting you can't either, why should migrants who come here illegally and have done sod all for this country get this kind of rock-star treatment? They shouldn't be getting free healthcare at all let alone being driven in a cab to get it!

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JK Rowling made Emma Watson an international star and a multi-millionaire. Watson rewarded her for that by publicly trashing her gender-critical views and, by dint, her fight for women's rights and her efforts to protect vulnerable children from being transitioned.

Now she has the brass neck to say she still loves and treasures JK. I'm pretty sure the feeling isn't reciprocated. Watson behaved like a spoiled brat towards the woman who mentored her, cared for her and literally gave her everything.

But look at these two women now - Watson's acting career is in the toilet, mainly because she's not very good. JK however, as well as being a superlative writer, has become the undisputed champion of women's rights thanks to her guts, courage and determination in the face of terrifying challenges.

If Watson does offer up an apology now (because she's on the wrong side of the argument), let's hope JK tells her to stick it where the sun don't shine!

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In an effort to placate the nation and excuse his own incompetence, Keir Starmer says Labour "did shy away" from voters' fears over immigration before he became PM.

Yes, and he's been shying away from them every day since - and it's done for him. And as tens of thousands continue to pour into this country, nothing he says now will change the fact we want him out!

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Labour's idiot policy wonks have come up with a new buzz word they reckon is going to inspire the nation - "contribution. The idea is that government policy will be based on an expectation that the public makes efforts towards the "common good" and doing things that make other people better off.

I'll tell you what would be for the common good and would make people better off - if this government shoved off and let people who know what they were doing run the country.

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Ryan Routh, the bloke found guilty this week of trying to assassinate President Trump, tried to kill himself in court by stabbing himself in the neck with a pen. Routh has had a whole year to stab himself properly, yet he chose to do it in a courtroom with a flimsy biro?

Trump is lucky his would-be assassin is such a plonker!

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Rachel Reeves is about to tax us all to hell and back but apparently there's enough money in the coffers for 250 more people every day to be awarded disability benefits because they're a bit anxious. And worse - nearly 650,000 are claiming benefits for anxiety AND mood disorders. Mood disorder? What, so if you're in a bad mood this Government now classes it as a disability?

Well, it isn't. Neither is anxiety. Both are part of the human condition. Another aspect of the human condition is to scam the system if the people running it are idiots. And these so-called "anxious" people are doing exactly that - with knobs on!